What About ME?
If you're anything like me, you know the story all too well.
It's Monday, the beginning of a shiny new week. So full of promise and potential. Oh sure, I was on the struggle bus last week. And not just as a passenger. No my friends. I was DRIVING that thing with a suspended license! But here I am. I made it through and I'm ready to take charge of my life. This week will be different.
After Monday morning carpool #byeBean, I cozy up to my desk and start drafting my master plan for world dominance... or at least how I plan to DOMINATE this week. Lemme see:
Coffee #2 in hand
toasted and buttered English muffin spread with a thick layer of Nutella
my Bach, T.I., Kirk Franklin, Backstreet Boys, Journey playlist singing softly in the background
mandarin and teakwood aromatherapy candle burning
fuzzy blanket draped over me and the ceiling fan on high of course, because #hotflashesat34
planner, color- coded highlighters and page- markers, matching pens, sticker book, white out pen on deck
laptop logged in to Google Chrome, personal email, business email, blank blog post page, and Walmart Grocery ( for the ongoing grocery list that must be submitted before 10am or we'll be eating ice cream, Cheeze-its, and trail mix for dinner)
This, my friends, is what SUCCESS looks like. I'm so excited. I'm so gonna slaaaaaay this week. #yassshunty You can't tell me nothin'! After a couple of intense hours, I have my whole life planned out, and nothing, I mean NOTHING, is gonna derail my detailed plans for sweet success. All meals have been planned, content for brand partnerships and blog posts have been jotted down, my schedule, down to the half hour, is thoughtfully and neatly printed into my planner, and there is even some unoccupied white space in there for fun, self- care, or a random yet always rewarding Target run.
Y'all. Life is good. Everything is going according to plan. Until...
the radiology office calls to schedule a special kind of MRI ordered by my neurologist to get a better look at my brain matter.
Bean comes home from school with a flyer for Chick- Fil- A Spirit Night that's TOMORROW!
Husband needs help writing a new cover letter for his resume (some things still haven't changed since college).
Bean is past due for a dental checkup- please schedule one IMMEDIATELY or all of her teeth will fall out.
"Honey, can I sign you up to make the potato salad for the church picnic this weekend?"
Yipes, 2 different birthday parties this weekend, which means shopping for gifts. And don't forget the cards, gift bags and tissue.
The library books are past due. Return them or pay #allthemoney.
"Mama, I'm out of elderberry vitamins." (Buy more NOW or she will have the plague for a whole month.)
"Dear Parents, the class treasure box is getting low and we are in need of donations..."
"Mrs. Cade, your prescription order is now ready for pickup."
And just like that, my perfectly curated plan for the week catches on fire and goes up in smoke. Why? Because, life happens. And when life happens, plans must shift in order to accommodate it. That's normal. It's common sense, really.
But what I've come to realize is this: what is also normal, yet alarmingly dysfunctional, is that when life happens, the only plans that seem to shift are the ones I've made for myself- my self- care, my reading time, my gym time, my blogging time, my time to grow and develop my brand and my business, my time to work and meet deadlines, my time to just be.
WHAT ABOUT ME??
I know as dedicated wives and mothers and martyrs #eyeroll, we're never supposed to feel this way, much less say it loud enough for anyone to hear. God forbid we should hurt anyone's feelings or (#gasp) have any aspirations or dreams outside of serving our families. Well ladies, Imma say it loud and clear,
WHAT ABOUT US??
This post is not a rant. It's not about fighting the patriarchy or the powers that be or raging against the machine. It is about a critical mindset shift. It's about unlearning some toxic behaviors that were modeled for us. It is about refusing to suffer in silence. It's about refusing to leave a legacy of self- neglect for our own children. It is about becoming comfortable with saying no to people- pleasing. It is about loving ourselves enough to see the benefit of pursuing our personal dreams and goals. It is about accepting that not everyone will understand or support every one of our decisions. It is about recognizing and appreciating our own value. It is about believing that WE ARE WORTHY OF SOME OF OUR OWN TIME.
So mamas... this week, when everybody else's stuff tries to push your own stuff out of that lovely, organized planner of yours, put those shoulders back, stand up straight and tall, get some bass in your voice, and set some boundaries. Because if it doesn't align with your spirit or your schedule, the answer should be NO. #nope
Love y'all a lot a lot,